Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
