my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
