i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
