it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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