i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
