She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
