Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
