i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
