maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
