I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
