i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
