Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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