Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
