Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
