Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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