I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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