I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
