Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
