sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You can't special order awesome
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Everything about him screamed your future.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
