I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
