Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
