Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
