I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
