I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
