I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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