my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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