The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
