oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
