some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
