I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Farmville is her only friend.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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