the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
NoShamevember. You game?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
