Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
