everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
