well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize