Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
