i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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