i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Randomize
