once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
