no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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