if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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