you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
