Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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