i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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