My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
