Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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