Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Too much gin, very little bucket
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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