she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
