If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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