thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
