What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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