I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
