So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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