I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
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I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
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The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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