Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
