i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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