youre lurking in front of me
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
this is an emotional support booty call
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
