I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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