Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
