Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
