So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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