i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
