Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
