After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
