Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
