Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
