Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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