he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
