I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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