My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
