really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
