Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
