I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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