I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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