Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
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I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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