Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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