I will die if light touches me.
do herpes really smell.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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