I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
