Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
