please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
