I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
