i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
