Duck Duck Cougar?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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