Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
